I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
