Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
