During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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