Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
