I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
