I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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