I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
