oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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