I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
