just survived the first fart of the relationship.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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