dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
