I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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