why didn't you poke me back
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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