Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
