I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
