one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I AM VODKA MAN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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