You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
