Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
