Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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