His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
