Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize