were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
