mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
