Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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