You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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