I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
