found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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