I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
