I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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