He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
