She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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