I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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