the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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