I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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