I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
