if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
