dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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