Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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