I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
