At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
