They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize