Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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