No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
