Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
