So drunk its hurt
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
