You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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