If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
