i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
