Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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