I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize