Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize