She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize