I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
