Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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