even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
