Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
