This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize