walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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