i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
