would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
