I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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