So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize