ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
