Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
