and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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