24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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